Why Grace Requires Recognition of Wrongdoing.

 

Alright, let's jump right in. Today, we're tackling a concept that can feel a bit counterintuitive but is, I believe, absolutely fundamental to how we process our brokenness and our hope: Grace. Specifically, the often-missed prerequisite for it.

The other day, I was in a situation that perfectly illustrated this. We had a couple of gents in our program who, despite clear guidelines, decided to play by their own rules. We're talking defiance, disrespect, and a hearty dose of "I'll do what I want." As you can imagine, I wasn't exactly handing out participation trophies. I called them out. Hard. Consequences were laid bare.

Later, my wife, with that gentle yet piercing insight wives often possess, inquired, "I thought you were going to show them grace?" 

I had to reply, “Grace isn’t a free pass; it requires a turning—a recognition of wrong.” Without that realization of wrongdoing, without conviction of sin, grace doesn’t have a foothold.

Grace, by definition, is unmerited favor. It's the idea that God loves us and desires to save us, not because of our good works, but in spite of our sin. However, if we do not acknowledge our sin, we do not see the need for God's gracious intervention. In essence, grace requires a recognition of our wrongdoing, a conviction that we have fallen short of the mark.

This is where repentance comes in. Repentance is not just feeling sorry for our actions, but a deliberate turning away from sin and towards God. It's a change of heart, a change of mind, and a change of direction. And it's precisely this change that allows us to experience the fullness of God's grace.

The Dangers of Cheap Grace

If we offer grace without the requirement of conviction and repentance, we risk cheapening the very concept of grace. We risk creating a culture where people feel entitled to forgiveness without taking responsibility for their actions. This kind of "grace" can actually enable continued sinful behavior, rather than encouraging transformation and growth.

In my conversation with the men in our program, I was firm because I wanted to impress upon them the gravity of their actions. I wanted them to understand that their behavior was not acceptable and that there would be consequences. However, my goal was not just to punish or discipline, but to bring them to a place of conviction, where they would recognize the error of their ways and turn towards a path of righteousness.

Grace isn't merely overlooking behavior—it's the power to change it.

However, when someone continues in defiant behavior after receiving grace, it does suggest they haven't truly received it. Faith without works is dead (James 2:17).

Is Conviction Our Job or the Holy Spirit's?

While we must maintain standards and boundaries, John 16:8 tells us the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin. Could there be a way to be firm about consequences while still demonstrating grace in your demeanor and approach?

What Does Grace Look Like in the Moment? 

Grace doesn't mean no consequences—but could it mean:

• Explaining why their behavior was problematic (helping foster understanding)
• Enforcing consequences with a redemptive tone rather than a punitive one
• Leaving the door open for restoration once they recognize the issue

Consider this example.

When Jesus encountered the woman caught in adultery (John 8), He offered grace before her repentance was verbalized, though "go and sin no more" made the expectation clear. Might grace sometimes create the space for conviction rather than only following it?

Question for you: When’s a time you needed truth before mercy made sense?

 Until next time.

Pastor Tigger 

 

Isolation, Ministry, and Death

Taken from Recent Headlines:

Real Life Ministries processes the suicide of Pastor Gene Jacobs.

California Megachurch Pastor Commits Suicide after Long Struggle with Mental Health.

Jarrid Wilson, a megachurch pastor known widely for his mental health advocacy, dies by suicide.

These headlines speak of several realities that I want to share with you today in this blog as part of my series on “Isolation.” I wanted to start this conversation by pointing out a hard truth that follows up my last two posts, which is that church leaders not only struggle with isolation, they struggle internally with mental health and often suicidal ideation.

Being a pastor has many reasons for isolation that go beyond the general population. Here are three reasons.

1)      They have no “true friends.” Most pastors will have people in the church who are “friends” until something happens. Otherwise, many pastors will have other pastors who are friends, but to be honest, other than meeting at pastor meetings, there is no true depth to these relationships. I have seen more times than I want to count when a pastor, including myself, has isolated himself with no real friends beyond my wife.

Something to consider is that in the back of a pastor’s mind is a voice that comes out when we talk to other pastors. This voice sounds like this: “It sounds like God is really blessing these guys; what am I doing wrong?” or “Is God angry with me because we are not growing like these guys?” Remember that in many ways, we are all in competition to reach and grow our churches from the same community.

Imagine if the owners/managers of McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy’s, and Steak and Shake all got together every month to support each other. What do you think is going through their minds? How are they sizing up the other guys in the room?

2)      The issues faced by a pastor are unique to the profession. They carry the weight of a congregation, and they are expected to perform while being a husband, father, and often employee (either at the church or an outside job).

One of the biggest stressors I had at least two churches was the fear of losing my job. Now, most people don’t understand because you can always go get another job. Yet, as a pastor, that means finding another church willing to accept you after being fired, moving your family, and dealing with the overall stress of being fired.

While I am on the topic, there is an unfair expectation and pressure on the children as well. They live in a fishbowl, and God forbid they act like normal kids. I have had more than one person point out the behavior of my kids (while their children were little monsters). The problem is that other parents do not have a biblical requirement hanging over their heads like the pastor does.

3)     They cannot have mental health issues because they are close to God! Pastor Greg Laurie remarked following the death of Jarrid Wilson, “Sometimes people may think that as pastors or spiritual leaders, we are somehow above the pain and struggles of everyday people; we are the ones who are supposed to have all the answers. But we do not.” “At the end of the day, pastors are just people who need to reach out to God for His help and strength each and every day,” he added.

But here is the thing: who can you tell? You cannot tell the people in your church leadership or your congregation because you will look weak. You don’t want to tell your wife; that will make things complicated. Isolation sets in because the mental health issue coupled with pastoral isolation leads to the exacerbation of the issue.

I am thankful that our association provides counseling for our pastors, but I think we need to let our pastors and leaders know it is ok to use the resource. Likewise, we need to develop ways to support each other beyond pastor gatherings that last an hour and deal with the brotherhood's superficial comradery. 

We must take care of ourselves and not allow the stress to build or allow Satan a demonic foothold in our minds. Pastors need to feel free to seek help. If you are a pastor or church leader dealing with stress, mental health or isolation, here are some resources for you.

https://www.pastortopastor.life/

https://church.focusonthefamily.com/s/resources/pastoral-care-line

The Pastor Care line - 1-844-PASTOR1 (1-844-727-8671)

Or Email me, and we can talk.

There is much more I could say, but I will save it for another day. See you next time... TTFN Pastor Tigger.

Isolation in Ministry, Part 2

Last time, I talked about Elijah isolating himself because he was disconnected from God. He was busy being zealous for God but was not personally connected to the life-giving source of the Spirit. So, he ran off and is now hiding in the mountain of God, Horeb.

Here is what 1 Kings 19 told us:

And the word of the Lord came to him: “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

He replied, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

Amid Elijah’s emotional state, he believes he is the only one who serves God. He believes that his life is meaningless. He is tired of doing ministry.

What does God do in this situation?

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Elijah is about to have an encounter with the living God.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Wow, don’t you wish the Lord would say to you, go out, and the presence of the Lord will pass over you?

I love what happens next, there are three events that most of us would expect to be signs from God.

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind.

After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake.

After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire.

A Windstorm, an earthquake and a fire, but God was not in them… Listen to what happened next.

And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

God spoke in a gentle whisper, not in a loud demonstration of His power, but in a quiet voice. Psalm 46:10a says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

What did the voice say? God asked the same question as before. Do not mistake the three events; they had a purpose, and they were to remind Elijah of who God is and His power. I think God had hoped the demonstration would serve as a way for Elijah to grow in his confidence and faith in who God is.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

In other words, Elijah, have you now found hope and purpose once again?

Elijah, unfazed, replies with the same answer as before, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, torn down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.”

Sometimes, when our mental health pushes us into isolation, we lose sight of who God is and His power. Sometimes, everyone around us will remind us of how great God is, and deep down, we know that truth. But that knowledge does not remove the dark shadow of gloom.

Elijah heard God’s voice and felt the earth move, yet he was unmoved from his mental state of depression and feeling lost.

The Lord responds to Elijah’s heartfelt answer with a few action steps to restore the prophet and reassure him that God is still in charge. He tells Elijah to go and appoint two new kings over the divided Israel. He told him to go and anoint Elisha as his successor (future replacement).

But, then, God addressed one primary concern or feeling in Elijah’s answer - I am the only one left. Elijah felt alone and had no hope because everyone had turned to worshiping false idols.

Look at what the Lord says in verse 18, “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”

This is a critical theological point: regardless of how we feel and how things might seem, we never know what God is doing in other people’s lives. God had reserved or kept 7,000 who had never worshiped a false Idol. Elijah, you are not alone!

Isolation can make us feel all alone but look to Christ, and you will see Him and His church with arms wide open. Trust Him; He has you and thousands of others just like you. You are Not Alone!

TTFN

Isolation and Self-Destruction

Ephesians 5:11-13 “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible.”

        A person will become self-isolated for many reasons; most of the time, it is not for a good reason. I am not talking about taking a sabbatical or going on a retreat alone; I am talking about going off-grid. They do not communicate or ignore family and friends because they hide something they know is wrong in their hearts.

        There are four major reasons why a person might self-isolate. We will discuss three here and then the fourth one next time. Again, all of these reasons are unhealthy and can potentially damage relationships. Sometimes, the by-product of unhealthy behavior is strained or fractured relationships.

A.    Isolation for Escape. This has a couple of different faces but generally has the same core issue: the mindset of “I don’t want to deal with it.” People will avoid conflict or shameful behavior by withdrawing from the situation, especially if they are the offender.

Sometimes, self-talk (that voice in your head) will convince a person or create a false image that causes a person to fear the issue, so they avoid it. We have the power to talk ourselves into believing all kinds of things, including lies, which create a false narrative. For Example, a couple has a fight, and one of them begins to think the other person does not respect them. Instead of talking about it, the situation is avoided and ignored until it finally comes to a head.

An additional example is a person who has done something they feel is wrong and believes their friends or family will look down on them for it. They convince themselves of this fact and, therefore, begin to isolate themselves.

Another form of Isolation is one I see a lot; it unfolds when someone has a promise to do something and escapes when they fail to follow through. For example, a person has been eating his roommate's food and promised to pay for it but does not follow through; as time goes on, the tension rises, and instead of resolving the issue, they isolate.

In nearly every case, there is an emotional feeling of shame, but in reality, it is about emotional maturity. The high road is to deal with the conflict head-on instead of being passive or isolating.

B.     Isolation due to Addiction. This can play out for several types of addiction. Isolation can become a part of all kinds of addictions, but let me outline three that are big.

1.      Drug addiction results in the person becoming isolated. The reason can be due to family conflict, especially when the family is being used or manipulated by the addict. The addict is usually happy in their own world, living from one high to the next.

I should note that while they are isolated, they are not alone, as drugs like each other's company, if for no other reason than to share with their “Friends.” These friends are only there for one reason and cannot be trusted in most cases. The more they immerse themselves in drug addiction, the further away they move from their family and true friends.

This includes those who have an addiction to alcohol. So often, people who have drinking problems will find themselves alienated from their families. Many families have been devastated due to the effects of drinking, and sadly, the isolation is on the part of the family members to protect themselves from the addict.

2.      Addiction to Pornography is often done in isolation from other people, even from a spouse. It is kept in the darkness, and the addict hopes it will never come out into the light, as this would be too shameful to handle. Statistics show that the more a person is drawn into porn addiction, the more they will isolate themselves from their friends and family.

3.      Eating disorders or food addiction is also one often done in isolation. The person trapped in this addiction lives in a vicious cycle of stress eating, then feeling bad about what they did, and that causes stress, so they eat more. The heart of this addiction and reason for isolation is shame (which I will deal with in a future blog).

C.     Isolation because of Sin. “I know what I am doing is wrong, and I don’t care.”

Let me tell you, I have seen this one play out so many times. It generally only affects the relationship between two parties; we will call the first party the “sinner” and the second the “church” (in particular, the pastor). When people desire certain pleasures, they are aware that their desire is against the Bible and the teaching of the church, so they self-isolate or withdraw from the church. Here are a couple of real-life examples.

1.      Sexual sinful behavior – The church member begins to cohabitate (shaking up) with another person. They know that God’s word is clear about sexual relationships, so they step back because sexual desire is greater than the holiness of God. In nearly every case, it ends poorly… but they never listen to the truth, only their hormones (and emotions).

2.      Wild living—this might include drinking or drug-related behavior. They know that the church would not accept this behavior. Also, if they feel this behavior might get them in trouble with the law or the pastor (“who cares about what God thinks”), they will self-isolate from the church.

3.      Convicted and run - People come to church, and if it is a good Bible-believing church, the flock will be challenged to live Christ-centered lives that glorify God. When the message, or Holy Spirit, brings about conviction, we have one of two options: repent or run away. Sometimes, as people are convicted, they will withdraw from church and God because they do not want to repent or live for God.

At the end of the day, Isolation is a way to deal with the world that is at odds with a person’s poor judgment or behavior. The answer is simple: “Repent!” The actions are not as easy. While the church does exercise church discipline according to scripture, the goal is to restore people and not push them away. We want people to draw near God, but let me be clear: God hates sin!

See you next time... P.C.