Isolation, Ministry, and Death

Taken from Recent Headlines:

Real Life Ministries processes the suicide of Pastor Gene Jacobs.

California Megachurch Pastor Commits Suicide after Long Struggle with Mental Health.

Jarrid Wilson, a megachurch pastor known widely for his mental health advocacy, dies by suicide.

These headlines speak of several realities that I want to share with you today in this blog as part of my series on “Isolation.” I wanted to start this conversation by pointing out a hard truth that follows up my last two posts, which is that church leaders not only struggle with isolation, they struggle internally with mental health and often suicidal ideation.

Being a pastor has many reasons for isolation that go beyond the general population. Here are three reasons.

1)      They have no “true friends.” Most pastors will have people in the church who are “friends” until something happens. Otherwise, many pastors will have other pastors who are friends, but to be honest, other than meeting at pastor meetings, there is no true depth to these relationships. I have seen more times than I want to count when a pastor, including myself, has isolated himself with no real friends beyond my wife.

Something to consider is that in the back of a pastor’s mind is a voice that comes out when we talk to other pastors. This voice sounds like this: “It sounds like God is really blessing these guys; what am I doing wrong?” or “Is God angry with me because we are not growing like these guys?” Remember that in many ways, we are all in competition to reach and grow our churches from the same community.

Imagine if the owners/managers of McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy’s, and Steak and Shake all got together every month to support each other. What do you think is going through their minds? How are they sizing up the other guys in the room?

2)      The issues faced by a pastor are unique to the profession. They carry the weight of a congregation, and they are expected to perform while being a husband, father, and often employee (either at the church or an outside job).

One of the biggest stressors I had at least two churches was the fear of losing my job. Now, most people don’t understand because you can always go get another job. Yet, as a pastor, that means finding another church willing to accept you after being fired, moving your family, and dealing with the overall stress of being fired.

While I am on the topic, there is an unfair expectation and pressure on the children as well. They live in a fishbowl, and God forbid they act like normal kids. I have had more than one person point out the behavior of my kids (while their children were little monsters). The problem is that other parents do not have a biblical requirement hanging over their heads like the pastor does.

3)     They cannot have mental health issues because they are close to God! Pastor Greg Laurie remarked following the death of Jarrid Wilson, “Sometimes people may think that as pastors or spiritual leaders, we are somehow above the pain and struggles of everyday people; we are the ones who are supposed to have all the answers. But we do not.” “At the end of the day, pastors are just people who need to reach out to God for His help and strength each and every day,” he added.

But here is the thing: who can you tell? You cannot tell the people in your church leadership or your congregation because you will look weak. You don’t want to tell your wife; that will make things complicated. Isolation sets in because the mental health issue coupled with pastoral isolation leads to the exacerbation of the issue.

I am thankful that our association provides counseling for our pastors, but I think we need to let our pastors and leaders know it is ok to use the resource. Likewise, we need to develop ways to support each other beyond pastor gatherings that last an hour and deal with the brotherhood's superficial comradery. 

We must take care of ourselves and not allow the stress to build or allow Satan a demonic foothold in our minds. Pastors need to feel free to seek help. If you are a pastor or church leader dealing with stress, mental health or isolation, here are some resources for you.

https://www.pastortopastor.life/

https://church.focusonthefamily.com/s/resources/pastoral-care-line

The Pastor Care line - 1-844-PASTOR1 (1-844-727-8671)

Or Email me, and we can talk.

There is much more I could say, but I will save it for another day. See you next time... TTFN Pastor Tigger.

Good Reputation of Our Children

When our children were born, they were our pride and joy. There was nothing we would not do for their personal growth, emotionally and physically. I used to take a cassette player and play classical music over Tammy’s belly so that the unborn child would be well cultured. Maybe it worked, at least one of the older kids love that kind of music today.

I truly think every parent hopes for the best for their children. Regardless of how the children turn out, the parent I would hope, seeks their best future. I know that this might be a false statement for many people who are reading this, because their parents were not good, nor sought their best interest. I pray that is the exception rather than the rule.

I must admit that raising children is a hard job. I often told all three kids that we had a responsibility to produce well educated, respectable children who loved the Lord. That was the goal. We didn’t always make them happy, but they always knew we loved them.

One part of parenting is that each child bears your name when they go out into the world. When a child acted up in school, and the principle called, it was because my name bearer had made a bad choice which reflected on me as their parent. If their behavior was poor, it was my responsibility to correct that negative behavior so that it was not for my lack of instruction, but their will to disobey.

The Apostle John’s letter Gaius gives a beautiful place for understanding the reputation and respectable child concept.

3 John 1:3-4 “It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”

Verse 4 is probably the greatest hope of a Christian parent that their children are walking in the truth. But that is not always the case, and not because the parents did not take their responsibility to raise up a faithful child. Yet the context of the text is a relationship that John had with other children of God within the church of Jesus Christ, and not about parenting.

However, it remains a valid truth that Christian parents have no greater joy than to hear that their children have a good name, especially if that reputation is within the community of faith of Christ Jesus. When this happens, they reflect not just our hard work in raising children, more importantly that they are His children as well.

Hot Water – Warmth and Sonlight, the Source of Life.

             Hot water is wonderful! It is perfect for a tired and sore body, relaxes tight muscles, and brings warmth to the coldness of my body. Hot water is great when added to tea and other refreshments.

The sun brings life with the warmth of its rays. Plants grow under the power of sunlight. As the morning sun rises it burns away the fog, brings the warming power to every place the ray’s touch.

Sunlight's effect on water is that it heats the body of water. It is the difference between a lake in winter and the same lake in summer. When the light of the Son shines upon us, we are likewise warmed through the power of the Spirit.

Collectively, the warm water is the church, made up of many believers, who through the Holy Spirit form the most powerful body of life for change. The hot water (the Church of Jesus Christ) has the ability to directly impact the four elements in the lower part of the iceberg.

Likewise, the power of this collective body (hot water) can encourage, strengthen, guide, and empower a person to overcome their traumatic past. Where trauma has produced negative thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, and emotions, the body of Christ can reverse that through the teachings of Christ.

As the person learns forgiveness, true love, and hope, this changes their beliefs and thoughts. They grow and begin to heal. The warmer they become, the stronger they grow. The community can give them a support network to provide reliance and healing. As the Holy Spirit works, they begin to see the world through the eyes of Christ. They learn empathy, compassion, and a prosocial mindset.

However, I have seen far too many people hold onto their hurt, pain, trauma, perhaps out of fear of dealing with it head on. More often than not, they have become accustomed to the freezing water, and the change is too much to endure. These people often become lukewarm Christians at best or slip away back to the deep, icy water of despair and depression.

Questions:

·    How can the church work better at being hot for Jesus?

·    How have you seen the healing power in your own life?

·    What do you believe is the hindrance (personally) from fully engaging the Spirit and His church, in order to grow stronger?

·    Why do you believe people prefer the cold, hurtful way of life over finding healing?

The Branding of the Church

        I pray that the following makes sense and does not sound like a rant (even though it probably is one). I have long been struck by a statement I read a few years ago in an urban ministry book that most churches are worried about their brand over promoting Jesus in their community. To my astonishment, my professor at the time agreed that "if another church is not SBC or gives to the Cooperative Program, I would not work with them." We there you have it!

        For decades many in church revitalization have acknowledged that the church is more divided than we are untied, especially on doctrinal issues. This last summer, the SBC voted to remove Rick Warren's Saddleback Church (the SBC poster child for decades for church ministry) from "friendly cooperation with the SBC" over women as pastors. The issue is truly much deeper and more complex than most acknowledge, yet Rick had a valid point in his argument, "Taking the Gospel into the darkness should unite us." To that point I will say that is true, but it does not unity us, because legalism and the brand is more important than Jesus.

 

        On the local level, we see a mass of churches, many doing good work in their community, having to compete with larger churches who have a better brand and a cafeteria filled with options. When I was in Reno, our church would reach new families, and we would work hard on discipleship. However, about a year into our church, they would leave for the bigger church that had better youth programs, better music, AWANAs, etc. We were the feeder church for the larger churches.

 

        This is still true as I pastor in KC. People visit and then are gone, many times because they go to another church a few blocks away with better music, a bigger budget, a youth program, and a better brand. I am glad they have it so good, but it makes the small churches struggle to maintain their vital ministries. Sadly, they will say, "you are doing great work over there," but not invest in your work because that would take any from their brand.

 

        One pastor I know says often, “I love being a pastor!” I often wonder if that would still be true if he didn’t have a staff, large budget, big givers, denominational people attending, and the backing of another large church. If he was grinding it out like the rest of us, would he have as much conviction. Let me say, I do love being a pastor, but I never forget the demanding work it is every day. I do not have the luxury of relying on staff for doing what I have to do. My church secretary and I share the same body, and sometimes he does not get as much work done. How many pastors with staff are working 60+ hours a week, working an outside job to support their family, or are making $1 an hour? Would they be willing to share part of their salary with a small church pastor who is barely making minimum wage?

 

        In reality, every church is in competition with each other. The really large churches like Life.Church (Craig Groeschel) has multiple campuses across the country (4 in KC) with no regard for the local congregations that have been there for decades. Even the larger churches that are SBC will open another campus a few block away, perhaps as a legacy replant of a dying church, as if that is a benefit to the church community, but at what cost to other churches.

 

        It reminds me of when Walmart moved into a community. They will push out the mom-and-pop stores, and freeze out the smaller grocery stores and pharmacies; with the mindset, they are our competition and must make room for us because we do it right or better. Again, sadly, that is the same mentality of many larger churches!

 

        Before there were denominations and the current church landscape, the church was stronger because instead of fighting each other for people, they pooled their money, shared the load, and worked together for the mission of advancing the gospel. I pray, probably in vain, that the church could be more about unity, the gospel, and helping each other, than promoting their own brand....

 

I hope to see you tomorrow.

TTFN

Pastor Charles