Isolation, Ministry, and Death

Taken from Recent Headlines:

Real Life Ministries processes the suicide of Pastor Gene Jacobs.

California Megachurch Pastor Commits Suicide after Long Struggle with Mental Health.

Jarrid Wilson, a megachurch pastor known widely for his mental health advocacy, dies by suicide.

These headlines speak of several realities that I want to share with you today in this blog as part of my series on “Isolation.” I wanted to start this conversation by pointing out a hard truth that follows up my last two posts, which is that church leaders not only struggle with isolation, they struggle internally with mental health and often suicidal ideation.

Being a pastor has many reasons for isolation that go beyond the general population. Here are three reasons.

1)      They have no “true friends.” Most pastors will have people in the church who are “friends” until something happens. Otherwise, many pastors will have other pastors who are friends, but to be honest, other than meeting at pastor meetings, there is no true depth to these relationships. I have seen more times than I want to count when a pastor, including myself, has isolated himself with no real friends beyond my wife.

Something to consider is that in the back of a pastor’s mind is a voice that comes out when we talk to other pastors. This voice sounds like this: “It sounds like God is really blessing these guys; what am I doing wrong?” or “Is God angry with me because we are not growing like these guys?” Remember that in many ways, we are all in competition to reach and grow our churches from the same community.

Imagine if the owners/managers of McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy’s, and Steak and Shake all got together every month to support each other. What do you think is going through their minds? How are they sizing up the other guys in the room?

2)      The issues faced by a pastor are unique to the profession. They carry the weight of a congregation, and they are expected to perform while being a husband, father, and often employee (either at the church or an outside job).

One of the biggest stressors I had at least two churches was the fear of losing my job. Now, most people don’t understand because you can always go get another job. Yet, as a pastor, that means finding another church willing to accept you after being fired, moving your family, and dealing with the overall stress of being fired.

While I am on the topic, there is an unfair expectation and pressure on the children as well. They live in a fishbowl, and God forbid they act like normal kids. I have had more than one person point out the behavior of my kids (while their children were little monsters). The problem is that other parents do not have a biblical requirement hanging over their heads like the pastor does.

3)     They cannot have mental health issues because they are close to God! Pastor Greg Laurie remarked following the death of Jarrid Wilson, “Sometimes people may think that as pastors or spiritual leaders, we are somehow above the pain and struggles of everyday people; we are the ones who are supposed to have all the answers. But we do not.” “At the end of the day, pastors are just people who need to reach out to God for His help and strength each and every day,” he added.

But here is the thing: who can you tell? You cannot tell the people in your church leadership or your congregation because you will look weak. You don’t want to tell your wife; that will make things complicated. Isolation sets in because the mental health issue coupled with pastoral isolation leads to the exacerbation of the issue.

I am thankful that our association provides counseling for our pastors, but I think we need to let our pastors and leaders know it is ok to use the resource. Likewise, we need to develop ways to support each other beyond pastor gatherings that last an hour and deal with the brotherhood's superficial comradery. 

We must take care of ourselves and not allow the stress to build or allow Satan a demonic foothold in our minds. Pastors need to feel free to seek help. If you are a pastor or church leader dealing with stress, mental health or isolation, here are some resources for you.

https://www.pastortopastor.life/

https://church.focusonthefamily.com/s/resources/pastoral-care-line

The Pastor Care line - 1-844-PASTOR1 (1-844-727-8671)

Or Email me, and we can talk.

There is much more I could say, but I will save it for another day. See you next time... TTFN Pastor Tigger.