Isolation and Mental Health

Proverbs 12:25-26 “Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

A few days ago, Christian recording artist Mandisa was found down in her home in Nashville. According to her father, she was suffering from the lasting effects of COVID-19 (weakness), but the Cause of Death (COD) has not yet been released.

Speculation in the media, and perhaps among her friends, was that her death might have been self-inflicted, the result of an ongoing struggle with mental health and depression. The Christian Post referenced an interview with Mandisa from a few years ago when the singer spoke out about her struggles. In the original article, she said, "I isolated myself, I didn't want to talk about it, and I battled with the shame of feeling like I didn't have enough faith or that God was displeased with me."[1]

This blog is the first in a series of Isolation. I want to discuss the issue of isolation for people dealing with Mental Health and expose some of the causes and solutions. Mental Health affects people regardless of social status, age, race, gender, or size of their bank account, yet people who are below the poverty line tend to have more stress and struggle with depression and other forms of mental health versus other segments of the population.

Likewise, trauma has a direct impact on a person's mental health and can be amplified by isolation. I talked about the goals of building resilience in my blog on the iceberg. Some of those tools apply here as we deal with the issues below the water line regarding mental health.

There are three reasons people with mental health become isolated, and there often is a compounded effect when more than one is present. Let me say up front: isolation is harmful to and unproductive for a person’s recovery.

1)      The person becomes isolated due to the mental illness itself.

Let's be honest: when you feel depressed, the last thing you want is to be around other people. Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, and many other mental health concerns will cause a person to isolate as part of the illness. It is often because the processing aspect of our brain wants to shut down, not deal with anything or anyone that might add to the issue.

People with mental health concerns will not just isolate themselves but will withdraw from social life as well. They will sleep a lot and suffer from fatigue. For them, it feels like they just fought off a 400-pound grizzly bear, and they are not sure who won the fight.

Solutions: If you are suffering from a mental health issue, realize your need to interact. Seek help from family and friends. This is a great reason to have a loving church family that can be your support network. I know that reaching out for help can be like swimming to the surface of an ocean filled with molasses, but you need to use your survival instincts and push on.

Families and friends can help best by what I often call the “Ministry of Presence.” The person dealing with mental health issues does not need your advice unless they ask for it. They may not need intervention or rescuing from their crises. What they need is someone to listen and be there for them. They need to know they are not alone and that you can be trusted to support them as they navigate the emotional and mental gauntlet.

2)      People isolate themselves due to the stigma associated with having mental illness.

This is a big one because no one wants to be labeled as “Crazy.” People will hide their depression or other mental health concerns simply because of fear of rejection and being stereotyped. The shame of dealing with mental health can make a person feel weak or less than a human.

Mandisa said, “I didn't want to talk about it, and I battled with the shame of feeling like I didn't have enough faith or that God was displeased with me." People often think one of these two reasons is why they have their issues, and I promise the little voice (and Satan) will reinforce the feeling that “Real Christians don’t have mental health issues; you are weak. If you just had more faith, this would not have happened to you.” Other people think their issue is because God is mad at them and is doing this to punish them.

Let me assure you that both of these reasons are lies, and you should never believe them. We live in a broken world where sin and disease rule. Because of the fall, sin, and death entered the perfect world; therefore, each of us must deal with that consequence daily in our own way. Mental Health is just one of those areas where we will struggle; it does not mean it is due to sin or God’s retribution.

Solution: If you are dealing with mental health, do not believe the lie; you are not broken or crazy; you live in a broken and fallen world. It does not reflect how God feels about you; He loves you and is there for you. Being ill is not a sign that God does not care. In fact, you are made in the image of God, and He dearly loves you.

If you have a family member or friend who is dealing with mental health be supportive, be careful of what you say, and do not tease or say things like, “I always said you were a little crazy.” Work to break down the stigma and realize that anyone can deal with various forms of mental health.

3)      The judgment of others pushes those with mental health concerns into isolation.

I will admit that the church and pastors are the number one offender in this area. Often, it is done without thinking about it, and it is just part of the pastoral mindset that it must be spiritual. This is likewise connected to the stigma and shame of having a mental illness, compounded by poor judgment on the church leaders' part.

I have heard pastors say that the issue is sin, and repentant prayer can solve it. Others denounce the use of medications, counseling, or even biblical counseling. In a world where people need real help from the church, cognitive behavioral therapy is a great option. Christians should not feel ashamed or afraid to talk to their pastor about their mental health and should receive help and support.

When I was pastoring in Pennsylvania long ago, I had a church member come talk to me about her depression and the fear of taking medications. She felt that it might be unchristian to take medication. She really struggled with stigma and needed both support and encouragement. I assured her it was appropriate to take prescription meds just as anyone would use medication to treat high blood pressure or hyperthyroidism.

The church needs to be a support network for those dealing with mental health and not a barrier. When the counseling is greater than my knowledge or skill level, I have a good Christian counseling group to which I refer people. I am not totally against secular counseling, but I prefer someone grounded in God’s word.

Next time I will explore the topic "Isolation and Self-Destruction." I hope to see you then.

P.C.

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[1] https://www.christianpost.com/news/police-give-update-on-death-of-christian-artist-mandisa.html?utm_source=Daily&utm_campaign=Daily&utm_medium=newsletter

https://www.christianpost.com/books/mandisa-talks-battling-depression-mental-illness.htmlv 

Flipping the Script.

Many people find themselves in a funk, living daily in the dumps. How do you get out of the dumps? The first step is to do challenging work to make the change. I always tell people, “I can give you the tools, instruct you on the process, and demonstrate the process, but until you are ready to apply what you learned, change will never happen.”

Yesterday, I presented a life motto:

“Turn the Negatives into Positive, and Accentuate the Positives.”

How does this concept apply to your life situation? Does it have the power to help me get out of the funk? Before we go much further, I would refer you to my previous blogs about the Iceberg and how your behavior is shaped by what is below the surface.

Here is a good illustration of how the principle will work in a person’s life. It is always helpful to have a team or support network for success. Isolation is the recipe for failure.

Consider a person who struggles with an addiction. Without making one type of addiction sound more difficult than another, let me say that overcoming an addiction is not the same for every person who is in the battle. The addiction could be drugs, caffeine, smoking, drinking, pornography, eating too much or stress eating, gambling, playing video games, you get the picture.

While the end goal is freedom from the addiction, the process might seem daunting or overwhelming. Remember the old saying, you eat an elephant one bite at a time? Well, that applies to more than elephants. The goal is to turn Negatives (plural) into Positives (also plural) one step at a time.

That has been the key for recovery programs for decades. People will say, “Today, I am ten days sober.” Each day is one step in the right direction, and each step or positive change is celebrated. Each step or day we have made a positive change in our behavior or habit is one fantastic day that deserves to be celebrated.

Sure, there are going to be setbacks and failures, but then you get up, and tomorrow becomes another positive step in the right direction, and we celebrate it all over again. Celebrations are sweetest when they are shared!

That is where the team or cheering section comes into the process. Your life change team is there for three important reasons. First, they are there to support your progress and hold you accountable. For example, if I have a weakness for donuts, they might remind me of my diet plan when I am tempted to eat a dozen glazed donuts.

Second, they are there to give you the support you need as you make your way. This might be someone you call when you are struggling or can help you make tough decisions. The third reason is they are your cheering section. They are there to celebrate the victories and encourage you when it has been a day of setbacks.

Anyone can apply this principle to their life challenges. It is not easy, but it is always worth the work. Let's make a plan to change your negatives into positives, and then we can celebrate you and your awesome progress.

Change is Difficult!

I recently read an article about “What kind of man does the world need,” and the author said something that really made me think, so I wanted to share it here. He said,

“Often, it’s easier to finish a negative statement, identifying something by what it is not. Why? Because it is easier to tear something down or identify what is wrong with something than to build something up and identify what is right. (This holds true for both some-things and some-ones.)”

When you think about it, he is correct. Yet, I would say that there are times when people point out what is wrong (negative) without a complete understanding of the situation or true insight. These armchair quarterbacks have all the answers… at least, they think they do. In this case, the solutions are superficial and poorly thought out for real change.

For example, we all think we can do better at coaching our favorite team, and if they would listen to our suggestions, they would win more. So and so needs to be benched, or this guy needs to play more. The answer is so simple that it is amazing how the coach cannot see the right solution. After all, all my friends and I cannot be wrong about this one!

I do not know the game's dynamics; I have never played professional sports. Likewise, I do not know the individual players' qualities or what the coaching team does daily to help them improve. I don’t know the players' health status or what is going on in their lives that might affect their performance.

What I am saying is that for us to be positive and seek real change, we must have insight, discernment, understanding, and patience. In order for constructive transformation to produce lasting change, we have to completely change our mindset from negative (against the Status Quo) to one that sees the positive side and potential.

For many years now, Tammy and I have had a working philosophy that goes like this:

“Turn the Negatives into Positive, and Accentuate the Positives.”

I honestly think we saw it somewhere and adopted it, but I cannot remember from where. But it is a powerful way of thinking. Instead of dwelling on what does not work, think about the good stuff and how that can be improved, then promote that part of the process (celebrate the success).

Let me give you a real-world example. When we had a food pantry program in Nevada, a man participated in receiving the donations. He would constantly complain about what we were giving out and gave his input about how to fix the issue. One day, we asked him to volunteer with us and help us sort the food and make up the bags to give out to people who came to the pantry. He agreed to help the next week.

It did not take long for him to see how much food came into our program, the number of people who needed our help each week, and how we needed to stretch the food out to help the greatest number of people. A few weeks later, we overheard him telling someone with the same complaint he once gave us, "This is all we have, and we have to make it work.” He turned from being a negative into a positive, and we celebrated him for his hard work in the ministry.

How can you be proactive in your life to take the negatives and turn them into positives, then celebrate the progress? The outcome does not have to be huge; we celebrate every step of the way because every step moves in the right direction.

Tomorrow, I will give you practical ways for this principle to come alive in your personal life.

Leaving a Legacy for Others

 

What will people say long after you are gone? That is a good question. Your family will remember you for a generation, but will your impact last beyond that?

When I was in college at Fort Scott Community College, I was a mess of inner turmoil and truly self-doubt. One day, I was sitting in a car with the Dean of Students, and he asked me, “What will your life amount to?” “Will you be remembered for anything after you are gone?” Will you have made a significant impact on this world? So few people start out in life with a vision of doing great things for the world. I have always been someone who had a plan or vision of who and what I wanted to be, but I never considered that impact beyond myself.

I genuinely believe no one started life with the ambition of mediocrity; instead, they ended up there because of bad choices or laziness. So, allow me to ask you this question: Will you be remembered for anything after you are gone? Granted, you might not care if anyone remembers you, but that also speaks about how well you lived and ran the race.

Yet, as disciples of the Lord Jesus, we are called to be disciple-makers, pouring our lives into others. We certainly want to glorify our God by setting an example and allowing the Spirit to work grace through us to others. At the heart of “Grace” is the fact that God allows us to change our lives and set a new course, putting the past behind us and making the most of each new day that we live in His love and grace.

We see in Gaius's life that his encounter with Paul and the Gospel changed his life. In 1 Corinthians 1:14, Paul said that he baptized no one in the Corinthian church except Crispus and Gaius. In Acts 19, Gaius was among those taken by the mob in Ephesus, and again in Acts 20 when Paul and company go to Troas.

When Paul wrote his letter to the Romans, he recorded that he and his students were hosted by Gaius. Through Tertius's hands, Paul wrote, “Gaius, who is host to me and to the whole church… greet you.”

Therefore, when John wrote the short letter (3 John), his opening words were, “The elder to the beloved Gaius, whom I love in truth.”

What a legacy… Paul poured his life into many young men and women during his ministry. He impacted Timothy, Titus, Silas, Erastus, and Gaius, touching many lives for generations. Their great deeds are recorded in Scripture for us to remember them today.

While your name will not be written in God’s word, every believer’s name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life. We work not for our glory but for the glory of the one who has saved us, who will one day say well done, good and faithful servant, enter into your heavenly rest.

Again, what will your life say about you when you are gone?

·         He/she worked really hard.

·         They had a lot of money, stuff, a big house, or a nice car.

·         They had a lot of friends on Facebook or Instagram.

·         Everyone liked them…

Or will people say

·         He/she loved the Lord and they impacted my life?

·         They truly loved the Lord daily and showed His grace to all.

I would remind you of Jesus’ own words, “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21

There are two kinds of funerals; the first is where everyone attends and mourns the loss of the dead person. They cry and hold onto the good memories portrayed in the pictures around the room. And that is the end…

My favorite kind of funeral is when a true believer in Christ dies, and everyone comes to celebrate a life given to God. People are upbeat, singing and praising God. At these funerals, there is no need for pictures because the people are a testament to the life the person lived, as he or she poured the love of Christ into those around them. This is a life to be celebrated.

Therefore, Paul would write to the Corinthian church.

For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward.  If anyone's work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.

Please take a few minutes today, and maybe every day, to ask yourself these questions: “What is my priority in life?” They ask, “How can I make a lasting impact on the Kingdom that will have eternal rewards for those you touch.”

I pray that God will use you for His Kingdom, and you will be remembered for the lives you touched. 

In His Grace,

P.C.